Seems to have been a few years but it's time to have another rant about the Eurovision Song Contest

As ever certain sections of the UK is up in arms as because "Johnny Foreigner" dared to give us nul points - Well the hard truth is it's our own fault. Once again we send along an insipid song that was forgotten the moment the next entrant sang. It was all just so safe and middle of the road. The vocals was adequate but the tune just wasn't memorable and as for the staging all we did was hang two trumpets from the ceiling!

There is no point taking part if you don't enter into the insanity of the Eurovision - Look at the other Countries and what they did:

• Iceland looked like one of those religious cults that stalk airports but with a funky tune (4th) 
• Finland resurrected the spirit of nu-metal for some strange reason (6th)
• The Russian entrant began like an oversized cross between a dalek and a babooshka doll (9th)
• Ukraine coated the singers arms in green feathers and had a recorder solo (5th)
• It's best not to even think what Germany was trying to achieve with the big foam finger (25th!)
• Even France decided to try something different and tried to recreate the spirit of Edith Piaf (2nd)

All of these efforts were so much more memorable than the UK entrant. It's almost like we don't want to embarrass ourselves but isn't coming last with no points really embarrassing?

There will be those that say "Europe just hates us for leaving the EU" but of course they ignore the fact that those famous EU member states of Australia, Israel and Russia also gave us no points

Final point - What the hell is the talentless Amanda Holden doing on our expert jury? There must be thousands of artists, songwriters or producers who would be more qualified and less likely to make a giant ass of themselves with lame jokes about why everyone doesn't speak English 

So what should the UK do? 

Firstly maybe ignore the so called music critics - As Italy proved the public really, really like rock music, so maybe we give that a try one year. Just a thought

Secondly if someone like Bill Bailey offers to write an entry then accept. Immediately. Now.

I still enjoy the Eurovision and as long as other countries continue to embrace the lunacy it will still be the best music TV of the year.... Rant over.